UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE
They said to persevere. I began to perseverate. They discouraged me.
Be joyful they said. I flapped my hands with joyful feeling. Not like that they said.
They used alot of words whereas I had not many. They said I needed to speak like them and when I did they said it was the wrong words.
You need more friends they said as they forced me into the circle of bullies they called my ‘friends’.
You need to be independent they said. So I tried. No, not like that. No, you cannot possibly do that.
Share your interests they said. So I did. We do not find that very interesting they said. Stop repeating yourself!
You are in your own world they said. And with that final statement it occurred to me- their world is not kind. Why is it better? Why must I be as them?
So whereas they refused to embrace or understand my world, I was forced to assimilate into theirs, each day giving up a part of my very being.
It was then I decided to be empowered, to embrace that which they refused to embrace, to be as I was, am, and will continue on to be. And I sought to share a piece of my world with those who dare might understand.
Dan L. Edmunds, Ed.D.
from BEING AUTISTIC: AN APPROACH TOWARDS UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE
mistakes and complaints
When we inform someone of a mistake or deficiency, the shadow is in danger of being activated. By pointing out the other person’s failure to do as we asked or expected (e.g., there appears to be a misunderstanding, I asked for water with no ice) we risk inflaming a complaint in the heart of our target. This is why I value a “self-service” model of existence. When we expect our efforts or money to buy us love and perfect service, perhaps it is not the waiter who is at fault, perhaps the fault lies in the pettiness of our demands. There’s a fine line between complaining and pointing out a deficiency or mistake.
trap party (you’re invited!)
A trap party is disguised as a “normal party”. Upon closer examination, the party turns out to be hosted for and by junior or high school kids, but for some reason you, an adult, were invited. You were given a seemingly innocent reason to go to a specific location, but it turns out to be a trick. Rather than what you were expecting, you find your ‘frienemy’ lying in wait to exploit, injure, dominate, capture or kill you. Whatever you were hoping to get out of this person, their invitation was just a ruse; in fact, you’ve been lured into a scheme designed to exploit, injure, humiliate and subjugate you. If the trap is blatantly obvious, this becomes Schmuck Bait.
When someone tries to trap you with an insincere invitation, often this person has yet yet to fully mature into an adult, despite sometimes being a full grown adult. In other words, they are still trying to “prove themselves” to the group, kind of like a junior or high school kid who is making an effort to impress the people he wants to be friends with. You have been invited not to be yourself and to enjoy life, but rather, to play the role of the one who has failed, who has not yet succeeded, or who doesn’t have enough, the guy who has no friends, or the one who “isn’t doing it right.” You’ve been invited to play the role of the inferior of some kind. The goal of the person who has invited you is to “win”, to discredit you in some way, to make sure you are fall into line, to play the role of the schmuck. In other words, someone is putting effort into making a fool out of you. Buddha would call this “wrong effort”, but it’s unlikely that this person has made much of a commitment to any kind of ethics or morals. Conscientious stupidity is a deadly waste of time, both for the guest and the host. In other words, someone’s got a grudge and thinks he can assuage his pain by setting up an underhanded competition.
The invitation is just an excuse to attack the invited with the hosts strength in numbers. In real life, this is one of The Oldest Tricks in the Book – it’s been played countless times since the beginning of history. It has also always been considered as an especially ruthless and evil thing to do, as it is the ultimate violation of Sacred Hospitality.” (Nasty Party)
philosophers / professors
STUDENTS:
Why are philosophers rather queer and absent-minded?
KRISHNAMURTI:
Probably because they are thinking of other things. There is a story about a famous professor who went out for a walk one day. When he returned he found the door locked, so he rang the bell. The servant, thinking that somebody had come to see his employer, announced from behind the closed door that the professor was out; whereupon the professor replied, ‘I am so sorry, I will see him next time’, and went away!
– J Krishnamurti, A Timeless Spring
Do you have no time, or all the time?
Which one is it? Do you have lots of time? Or do you have no time?
One of the defining characteristics of a person who wastes your time (a.k.a, interrupter, an interfering person, uninvited guest) is that they think they have all the time in the world. You’ll try to open a conversation about how it’s only 6 months until so and so, and you’ll find this person arguing how long of a time that is. For a wise person, you don’t have much time to do anything. A foolish person will argue, “you have all kinds of time!” Strangely enough, the person who thinks they have so much time is usually the one crying over spilled milk or having an anxiety attack over an imaginary problem about what might happen. There’s no companionship with a fool. Good men don’t argue. Just smile, pretend to agree, and walk them to their car or walk them home.
Bankers kids
Bankers kids: “Oh you’re just like my uncle, he never talks, hahahah. He lives alone in a house his parents used to own, but his parents are dead now. He asks us if we’re allowed to do that, but he should know! You’re stupid! Why do you look so weak? My uncle reacted the same way, I didn’t know if he was drunk or stupid! Relaxing is a waste of your life, you need to be doing more! You can sell the art you made for money! Shame on you you’re living next door to your parents! Now excuse me while our father continues to invite himself over and use your dock, and use your garage, and insult you for living close to home, and….. oh…. wait, we’re living with your parents too? Oh we didn’t realize we were over here so much shooting our mouths off! By the way, you should, you should, you should, you shoul – *gun shot fires*…… *blood spills*
a mind emptied of itself
It’s been quite a while since I’ve been to ______, and I was only passing through at the time. My interest during that time was permaculture / agriculture / aquaponics. I spent some time on some farms, did a bit of work, enough to stay a few nights and then I kept travelling. I no longer have a vehicle. I’ve got enough money to take a train down to Montreal, and would have to spend as long as it takes googling the details of the train ride and then organizing a place to eat and sleep until I start getting a paycheck. I use ______, and I’ve got no credit or debt problems. Now is a good time for me to make a move since my landlord sold his property to a new landlord, the time is ripe to make a move as I am paying month to month with no commitments or obligations at the moment. I’ve got enough money to travel and survive, but I would need to get paid within two weeks after arriving. My services are not limited to programming and web design. I also publish a psychotherapy editorial and I have worked with a few therapists over the past 15 years. It is not an easy role to play to be gentle and understanding, but not a doormat, if you now what I mean. Employees who are experiencing grief at work are often not able to work effectively. I am looking at _______ and I’m wondering what your human resources department is like and if you would consider hiring me as a mental health Councillor. My understanding of respect has two sides. The biological perspective of respect is that where there is fear there is no respect. The other side of respect is that the threat of force is necessary to maintain respect. Either way you look at it, it doesn’t come easy. My understanding of prejudice is that it’s rooted in the startle reflex. I am compassionate and understanding enough to not exploit the startle reflex, I like to put people at ease, although, I have been in situations where I was not able to feel at ease myself. I also like adventure, so, ‘not being at ease’ is part of living, one must know discomfort and learn to handle it, but there’s a point where discomfort becomes tyranny. As I get older, I don’t rely on ridicule and sarcasm to have my way with people and I don’t find it’s conductive to respect. On the other hand, a sense of humor is something I value, the issue is that humor tends to be polarizing and different jokes fall on different areas of the spectrum. My understanding of ‘taking offense’ is that it’s somehow connected with envy. I have put some thought into envy and I value being considerate with people and not get carried away with the ridicule. I don’t have any opinion on pornography, but I do think about the relation that ideals have with facts. It appears that ideals can cause more harm than facts, and if a fact causes offense or envy, then it might be better to look at these facts and understand or overcome the power of facts to startle or anger. I read eastern philosophy and I understand why they value liberating the mind from the mind. The mind with all it’s content longs to be emptied of itself and that itself is a skill. I can offer that service, supporting those who value empty their minds of accumulated content. I also work on online video games. I’m developing and doing the graphic design for a videogame. Perhaps _______could expand and take on game development? I’ve also recorded many songs, most I wrote, some I covered, and I am responsible for some good guitars and music technology. I would be open to travelling down to talk with you in person in get acquainted with the staff / trainers, trainees. I don’t like to think of myself as working for anyone in particular, I work with people. I don’t mind taking a bit of instruction, but a mind that obeys authority is a frightened mind. If someone asks politely for help, I can work with them to get results, but I don’t like being bossed around too much. Sometimes it’s appropriate to give orders, but it’s limited to the task, and there has to be a civil discussion about the task before I carry it out and take further instruction. My needs are the same as everyone else’s; a place to sleep, healthy food to eat, quality rest, and a work environment that is clear of an overly punitive and malicious spirit, also, finding a girlfriend in ______would be considered good fortune, but I don’t take relationships for granted. I’ve been single here in _________ for quite a while now. There is a part of the brain that is responsible for the urge to punish and as Goethe and Nietzsche said, “distrust those in whom the desire to punish is strong.” I don’t think my urge to punish is exceptionally strong, but I know it’s there in some capacity. I have dealt with some frightening people. I have also dealt with kind people who are at ease and not bent out of shape about something. I have been both of these types of people. I value a rebirth where I am kind, respectful, not offended, not envious and happy to help. I hope you managed to get through these thoughts.
